I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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