Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Randomize
