Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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