There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
