i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
