I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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