how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
