I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
