my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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