I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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