Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.

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(607): View more from New York

The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.

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(217): View more from Illinois

Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.

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(870): View more from Arkansas

Its gonna be a symphony of fucks

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(+61): View more from Australia

I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today

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(630): View more from Illinois

i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to

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(518): View more from New York

He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...

(607): View more from New York

pure definition of booty call.

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