The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
