So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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