Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We need a shit load of segways right now
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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