So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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