You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Alive.
So much puke
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
