I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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