Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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