What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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