First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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