Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
