I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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