I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
