i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
