Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
