She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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