i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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