3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
come find me please
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.