You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
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I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
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It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.