Texts From Last Night

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  (619): View more from California

  3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.

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  (619): 3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact. http://tfl.nu/7spk
  Replies (20) Good night (2535) Bad night (876)
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  (805): View more from California

  as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"

  (1-805): View more from California

  uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win

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  (805): as veruca salt said, "i want it now!" (1-805): uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win http://tfl.nu/zx5h
  Replies (10) Good night (3821) Bad night (943)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.

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  (651): if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call. http://tfl.nu/9x5y
  Replies (39) Good night (1132) Bad night (6394)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page

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  (513): some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page http://tfl.nu/1sgh
  Replies (37) Good night (1135) Bad night (4285)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.

  (727): View more from Florida

  More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.

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  (954): I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning. (727): More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort. http://tfl.nu/lvyr
  Replies (15) Good night (4848) Bad night (734)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.

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  (954): i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month. http://tfl.nu/t4na
  Replies (4) Good night (3549) Bad night (649)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.

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  (781): I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house. http://tfl.nu/8emi
  Replies (13) Good night (6046) Bad night (1693)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.

  (229): View more from Georgia

  Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?

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  (973): He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass' (973): Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic. (229): Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom? http://tfl.nu/xp9a
  Replies (9) Good night (4187) Bad night (1084)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it

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  (313): if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it http://tfl.nu/hc23
  Replies (8) Good night (1412) Bad night (2372)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.

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  (253): I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight. http://tfl.nu/4pnr
  Replies (12) Good night (3470) Bad night (1050)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy

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  (601): i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy http://tfl.nu/7bad
  Replies (6) Good night (789) Bad night (2182)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.

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  (337): When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day. http://tfl.nu/007t
  Replies (1) Good night (595) Bad night (948)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?

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  (262): Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush? http://tfl.nu/mk31
  Replies (13) Good night (705) Bad night (1086)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?

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  (305): He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right? http://tfl.nu/9ey8
  Replies (5) Good night (982) Bad night (802)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart

  (416): View more from Toronto

  That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.

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  (519): Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart (416): That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you. http://tfl.nu/90qz
  Replies (1) Good night (553) Bad night (450)

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