I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.