I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?