Texts From Last Night

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  (812): View more from Indiana

  I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.

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  (812): I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight. http://tfl.nu/uh5e
  Replies (2) Good night (1867) Bad night (2632)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.

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  (919): I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen. http://tfl.nu/75lv
  Replies (32) Good night (1486) Bad night (2968)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.

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  (780): i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself. http://tfl.nu/5eaf
  Replies (33) Good night (784) Bad night (6077)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.

  (785): View more from Kansas

  I could make treat bags

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  (785): Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson. (785): I could make treat bags http://tfl.nu/dekx
  Replies (104) Good night (6320) Bad night (808)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk

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  (541): Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk http://tfl.nu/l5et
  Replies (7) Good night (4442) Bad night (1389)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line

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  (516): I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line http://tfl.nu/kwv6
  Replies (10) Good night (875) Bad night (3104)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient

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  (479): Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient http://tfl.nu/pvik
  Replies (5) Good night (844) Bad night (1420)
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  (619): View more from California

  I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.

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  (619): I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain. http://tfl.nu/rwko
  Replies (5) Good night (1433) Bad night (724)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.

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  (615): You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all. http://tfl.nu/of60
  Replies (4) Good night (1199) Bad night (577)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea

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  (504): Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea http://tfl.nu/8yui
  Replies (8) Good night (1341) Bad night (632)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi

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  (210): please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi http://tfl.nu/ocwi
  Replies (3) Good night (1261) Bad night (509)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher

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  (508): Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher http://tfl.nu/j0wm
  Replies (3) Good night (1652) Bad night (456)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.

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  (724): I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas. http://tfl.nu/a06u
  Replies (8) Good night (772) Bad night (826)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great

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  (610): I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great http://tfl.nu/gyhs
  Replies (2) Good night (1109) Bad night (340)
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  (646): View more from New York

  Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.

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  (646): Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini. http://tfl.nu/wt6x
  Replies (3) Good night (741) Bad night (267)

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