goodnight i made you a song goodbye
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.