I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
