dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
