when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
