Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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