I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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