i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
