It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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