I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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