I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
