i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
