You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
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You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
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I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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