Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
