i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
