this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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