some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
