We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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