So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
