so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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