a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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