Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
smell my finger.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
