Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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