The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
