he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
