I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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