he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
