Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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