I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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