Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
