she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
