If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
