Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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