sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
