Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
