Cold hands, warm shart.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
