so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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