maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
