did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
